Laos: Where Bus Travel Meets Mud Wrestling

 “I don’t speak your filthy language”, said the lanky Israeli traveler in response to a request in Lao that he move his bag so someone could have the last seat on the bus.  He was still frustrated from an incident earlier that morning where his negotiation style (i.e., towering over the locals and shouting at them while shaking fists) didn’t get him the price he wanted for a boatride down river.  Because of him (the locals assumed we were together) we were embarking on yet another day of bus travel in Laos instead of floating gently downstream on the boat of a friendly villager.

At 5:40 AM the day prior, our bus from Dien Bien Phu into Laos left 10 minutes late to the horror of our very angry bus driver.  After a violent tantrum, he stopped for a 40-minute breakfast 5 blocks from the station.  He stopped again at the border for four hours where he apparently took a nap.

Over the border, as the roads got worse the ride grew more entertaining.  Since bus drivers often demand more money from foreigners over the border we planned a mutiny as the driver napped at the crossing.  In the end (no doubt sensing our preparedness for battle) he didn’t pull any shenanigans.  

Once in Laos, we repeated the following drill every hour or so: bus gets stuck the mud, bus driver shouts something we can’t understand, we scramble out of the listing bus and push it barefoot through the mud occasionally reconstructing the road using large rocks and bamboo.

After a night in Muang Kwah, we tried our luck at negotiating a boat down river to Luang Prabang.  It turns out that Laos is the least negotiable place we’ve been on this trip and our lanky Israeli’s shouting didn’t help our cause.  He ended his charm offensive with “I hope there’s a fucking famine in this country.”  Even our most charming negotiator (an American named Andrew) couldn’t recover from that so we were off to the bus station.

The final leg to Luang Prabang was different.  No mud and a laid back driver with the biggest smile I’ve seen in Southeast Asia..  By the time we got off the bus in Luang Prabang, Mr. Deal Maker had already insulted the only tuc tuc driver at the station so we paid “a fortune” (not really) to get ourselves into town and here we are.  Surrounded by good food and gorgeous scenery, we’ll probably spend the next few days debating heading North or South.  In the meantime, expect shorter blog entries - sorry about this one.